i feel like i can't do nuthin right around here sometimes.
it's 1:05 pm. few minutes ago i was walkin past my granny's room & she called me in to her. sidenote- she hasn't been wearing clothes lately. i dunno how to feel about grams prancin round in her draws. but maybe tha's how the rest of the house feels when i do it.
whatever.
anyway-
'tracy.. i, uh... u're gonna walk with me up to the drug store.'
that's her way of asking me to walk to the store w/ her. that shit irritates me & i guess it showed on my face. i was like 'yeah, okay.. when u wanna go?' & she said whenever i get ready, if i really wanted to go.
in my head: no, i really don't. it's hot outside & u prolly shldn't be out in heat like this & u take FOREVER in that damn store & i gotta get back here & shower before 4 tonite.
but
i said that i didn't mind & we cld go. she didn't believe me so she came in to & started talkin bout how she was posed go yesterday, but reda never called & she thinks she's got medicine to pick up & blah blah blah. so im like it's okay, i'll walk with you.
but then i noticed her hobbling around. her legs are hurting pretty bad, even tho she won't say so. i wasn't gonna ask her if they were hurting cause she'd say no, so i was just like
'mama, if you're legs are hurting, then im not gonna walk w/ u. i don't think u shld walk too much when they hurt like that.'
so she sits down on my bed & i just watched her lil face drop & her eyes rim w/ tears.
'ooh, that's arright.. i'll go sometime today..'
she meant later today. i told her i gotta work today.
'oh, u do? i didn't know that... well, i'll get there, i guess...'
then she left.
she's probably in her room cryin rite now.
congratulations, tracy, you've just made ur granny cry AGAIN! what're u gonna do next?!
i just don't want her to be out there in the heat hurtin, man. but of course it never comes across that way. in her head, i'm not gonna walk w/ her b/c i don't want to, b/c she's old & she'll slow me down & i think she shld do nuthing but just sit around for the rest of her days.
$%#$@&$%*^UYT!$#@#%@&^*
i'm puttin on some pants & draggin that woman to the store kickin & screamin if i have to. but damnit--GOTDAMNIT i am NOT spendin 2 & a half hrs in no damn walgreens lookin @ what's on sale.
damnit.
& in other news, im deletin that shitty piece i 'wrote' yesterday. i was gonna keep it around, but it sucks. it SUCKS. so im done. im not gonna try to write anymore. when the words are ready to fall, they'll fall.
& if i never write again, i guess i've had a pretty good ride.
gggrrrrrrrrr i need a punchin bag. or a penis.
preferably a penis.
yes...
a penis wld be lovely rite now.. *daydreamin*
