& right now i'm feeling very emotionally drained--
they did a special on hostage negotiators. they followed a fella named Wally--56, snow white hair, 3 kids & a wife @ home--on a negotiation he did in Queens. i dunno how long ago this was--im assuming it was recent, & there was snow on the ground in the footage they showed.
there was another negotiator on that scene too; i think he name may have been Frank, i don't remember. Wally was the one who actually did the speaking via phone to Jared, the young blk male who was inside the house that the police van was watching.
Jared was inside his ex-girlfriend's house, Diane. they'd broken up, more than likely b/c of their abusive relationship (he had a history of beating her & at the time had 3 felonies already). he'd gone to the house earlier that day w/ a gun to confront Diane; finding her gone, he instead shot 3 other ppl on the front lawn. one of those ppl was Diane's mother. @ the show's beginning, they were all stablized @ a local hospital.
he told the police that he was inside the house w/ 3 other ppl & his 4 month old daughter, Cheyenne w/ a loaded gun. Wally talked for 7 hrs, trying to get Jared let the ppl go & to get Jared himself out of the house.
Jared was sayin shit that made it clear that he didn't plan on walkin outta that house.
'where's Diane? i just wanna scream on Diane one last time.'
'i'm just tryna spend these last few minutes w/ my daughter, nahmean? tha's all i'm tryna do.'
'yo, i dunno how to tell u this.. im not gon be walkin outta this house.'
i just kept thinkin man... please walk out the house. god i hope he walks outta that house.. i hope evrybody's gonna be okay. i mean, i was really *really* caught up in this show.
they showed pictures. one of Jared & Diane together. both beautiful ppl, Diane dark skinned, Jared light, about my complexion w/ thick lips & eyebrows. they showed two of him w/ his daughter. they made a gorgeous child.
please walk out the house
god i hope he walks outta that house
damn i hope he's okay today
Jared told Wally that he was gonna send his daughter out w/ the female hostage he had; but instead, an older man brought the baby out. police pinned him against a car & frisked him, thinking that he may have actually been Jared & was trying to escape. but the man's name was James Alexander. he told police that he was the only other one in that house besides Jared & the baby.
then he told them that Jared shot himself under the chin as he was talking out. there was a problem tho, cause Wally & the others on the phone never heard a shot.
i ain't start cryin til the narrator said that the shot had been silenced by a pillow.
i felt so defeated, man. helpless. another blk man gone, another blk baby fatherless. they started showing pictures of Jared and Cheyenne together again and i just kept sayin to myself 'she needs u, man... she needs u..'
prolly seems like im some kinda flake who gets way too caught up in news broadcasts, but this hits home-
bout 2, 3 yrs ago, 2 of my 1st cousins committed suicide within 2 months of each other. they were brothers.
and their stories, when considered together, are so much like Jared's story it's uncanny.
Dee, i think, had a history of beating his girlfriend. Jared had probably intended on killing Diane. Dee intended on killing his girlfriend, too, & actually did it. just like Jared & Diane, Dee & his girlfriend had a little girl. Ty was so distraught over losing Dee that he stayed drunk for the next 2 months. Ty'd had a history of problems w/ the police, just like Jared, & the last time i saw Ty, he was standing in my doorway swearing that he'd die before he went back to jail. i bet Jared felt the same way. he'd rather die than go to anybody's literal or figurative jail.
Ty's son is like his twin, man. looks exactly like him. he's gorgeous.
yall...
we cain't afford to lose no more.
beyond that, i really don't know what to say.
i've been sitting on this story for awhile; i think it's been somewhat of a secret shame in my family, a weakness we're trying to strengthen by not talking about it or recollecting or re-membering. i think that's a mistake, but it's so painful still. so awkward. still unbelievable.
my uncle--Ty & Dee's father--wasn't in their lives growing up, & when he was he was more than likely drunk & abusive. they inherited that from him i guess. he's calmed a lot, tho.. gentle as a lamb. a childless father of a lamb.
i have a picture of him dancing with his grandchildren at a family reunion 2 yrs ago. it shldn't have taken the death of their father to bring them closer to their grandfather.
i dunno, man..
i think this is one of the reasons why i've unconsciously prepared to raise children alone. watching & learning from my mother w/ pops not bein there, i mean. bein blk, it's possible. it's so very unfairly possible.
shld i be blessed w/ a son, i pray that he has whatever so much of blk men don't or can't see for whatever reason. & i pray for the health, happiness & safety of the future father of my children, whoever he may be. it's great to have a man that wld die for u, but i'd much rather have one corageous enuff live for me.
i cld speak forever on this, but really, how much saving can speaking & talking do?
