first things first: carl thomas is the man & fuck anybody who says different.
movin on-
hi :o)
im goin home tomorrow!!
long weekend. won't be back til tuesday evening.
moms is makin chili. ima get me a big bucket of chicken.
ima come back to school a good 25 lbs heavier & grinnin like a bobcat.
i cld do nuthing but lay around, eat, watch TV & talk to my sweetie the whole 4 days & be in perfect bliss.
know what's fucked the hell up tho? the homework. ima have maaaad shit to do while im gone. books to read & part of a paper to write & shit. shit. fuckin shit.
look what school's doing to my language. shame.
ive been meanin to update for awhile, but i just haven't felt like doin anything. i mean ANYthing. missed two classes this week... shakespeare for the 2nd time, british lit for the 1st. & i don't really care too much. i just can't care right now.. im just so tired of thinkin. i got senioritis like a muhfka. im burnt out. i'm hopin ill come back from this lil break all well rested, funky fresh, dressed to impressed & ready to... read. or sumthin.
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britt & i had a talk like, the night i wrote that last journal entry, i think. that evening i just happened to catch her boyfriend on AIM & he asked me how i was feeling at the wrong time so i let him know just what was up. his girlfriend's actin weird & i aint finna put myself out there no more to be brushed aside again. i had planned to talk to her about it the next day, but he called her like, right after we finished talking (i heard her cell phone ring next door the moment he logged off) & told her what was goin on. not long after that, she came knockin on my door, but i didn't answer. i was too tired & didn't wanna think on it no more. so we rapped the next day. she apologized for bein neglectful & said it was just because she doesn't wanna be here & etc etc. i understand cause im feelin the same way. still, i wldn't/don't respond by pushin her away, but i guess we just deal differently.
so things are cooler.
im still not gonna depend or count on her for too much else, cause even tho i talk to her more, i still *rarely* see her, & she just ain't up for kickin it too much no more.
*shrugs*
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this past wednesday she & i sat in on Bryan's FLA class. Bryan's an old professor of mine who i simply fell in love with.. yall i had the biggest crush on this man, & if i wasn't adopted by he & his wife, i'd prolly still be lustin after him. he & his wife are two of the most proactive ppl on campus; he was frustrated b/c there aren't any brown ppl in his classes, & it made it hard discussing race, which is what they were doing.
so we show up, loud, laffin, smilin blk folk. the class was type stunned cause he hadn't told them we were gonna be there. i just happened to sit next to this cat as he was opening his notebook, gettin ready to take notes. i glance at his notebook & i see written:
-Blacks are ugly
-Blacks are greasy
-shgaei tahutia tleah <--- sumthin else a/b blk ppl that i cldn't discern.
i just laughed.
cldn't do nuthin else.
at the end of the second class, there was a pretty conservative minded lil white kid named Grant still had some questions about stuff, so we--me, him, britt, bryan, and about 4, 5 other kids--stayed behind after class just to talk. it was great, man. i have a lot of respect for Grant, first for caring about our experiences as blk ppl on transy's campus and actually WANTING to hear our stories, and second for being brave enough to shoot rapid fire questions at us.
'so what's so offensive about all the jefferson davis stuff? i just don't see it'
'so you really think that transy's got institutionalized racism?'
'so why don't u you just leave then if u hate it so much?'
yo
these are questions that no one ever has the guts to ask.
he wasn't disrespectful, he was just genuine. and he always always kept eye contact.
he's got a firm handshake, too.. i happened to be leaving my building for my 1:30 class when he was leaving the science building, goin in the same direction. he called me over, shook my hand, formally introduced himself & walked me to my class.
it was all very inspiring.
& it's prolly the last time that'll ever happen during my college career here at transy.
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our esteemed president was in town today. hosted a $500 per plate dinner to support ernie fletcher. bitches. there was a huge protest. LOTS of people. i was really really proud, but i saw some stuff i was ashamed of too. i'll write & go into detail later.
a group of transy kids went down.. britt & i were supposed to walk down with them but i showed up @ the meeting place a lil late & they bounced. she & her boyfriend waited for me tho.
so we get there. i wander off by myself after awhile of standin w/ britt & richard.. the protesters covered about a 3 block span, so i spent most of my time weaving in & outta the signs alone. took lotsa pictures.
saw ashley colvin out there.. it was good to see her.
and i saw jon. short, volvo-driving, balding, vanilla jon. jon graduated from transy like, 2 yrs ago; he became acquainted w/ britt & me when we took an african art class together. he's a nice guy. liberal minded, real fun. he took us to see john singleton, which was dope. since he's graduated we see him off & on cause he lives near the campus still.
basically, he's had a crush on me since that class we all had together, & i kinda knew it cause bianca told me last yr & he's always been kinda touchy feely or whatever. always laughs too hard @ my jokes. it's cute.. lol
anyway
i seen him standin w/ britt as i was wandering around, so i gave him a hug & said my hellos, then did some more wandering. came back, found britt again.
'um.. okay, im gonna tell u this now cause i don't want this to be a surprise, but jon has a very big crush on u & has like, forever & asked me if i thought u'd say yes if he asked u out. i said probably, on some friendship stuff, but. just givin u a heads up.'
...
i didn't see him anymore that evening, & im kinda glad, cause i hate turnin ppl down. i mean, we cld kick it on some friendship shit, that'd be aight. but i hate having to do the 'just friends' bullshit cause no matter how genuine it is, it always feels & sounds like bullshit. i was prepared to tell him that i'm crazy hung up on somebody else, tho.
