cause it's been a long time
& i shldna leff u
w/o some boring, depressing ass shit to sit & read. i got plenny. not all will be depressing. but i'll slip in some grey clouds for ya.
and pictures, too!
and it's gonna be hella long so if u got beef w/ that (*cough*HATINASSNATE*cough*) go head & click that x up the upper right hand corner.
all tucked in?
heeeeeeeeeeeeere we go-
1st - MLK Day is over. it's freakin done. halla-freakin-looya for that. it went okay; the models were all great sports. i was nervous as hell. i personally think i sounded horrible on stage, but of course nobody wld say so.. lol.. it was all pats on the back & 'good job!' the girl who did a write up for the campus paper called it a "mesmerizing acapella jazz solo." yeah right.
there were plenny problems, of course. no breakdancers & no chris, of course. UK's Black Voices gospel choir was supposed to send some folk over to sing a selection for us. yeah, only one person showed. & that's prolly only cause he's a friend of mine & candis'. Vince fucked up the programs. the gotdamn KA's were supposed to ursher & didn't even show up (fuck them).
and what really pissed me off was that there were so many empty seats.
we busted our asses for a handfull of ppl to see the finished product. fuck this campus.
and do u know what else pissed me off?
okay, so when we first started plannin, remember i'd been appealing to the women's group for help, right. not na'an wunna them bitches (im sorry, but that's warranted in spite of the irony) even emailed me to let me know that they wldn't help out. but don't u know that they're finna put on the 'vagina monologues' and them hoes had the NERVE
the GALL
the AUDACITY
to come ask my bitter black ass for help?
man
part of me wants to be the bigger person & help them out & show them that i, as a black woman, have the scope & intelligence to know that each of our suituations relies on the o ther, & that even tho yall straight up disrespected me & my situation (which is also theirs too), i have the decency to help out cause if i dont & this doesn't go well (the monologues and the 'movement', if i may be so cliche) then it's a strike against me too.
but the other part is just like, fuck them cracka ass crackas. w/ a big black dildo. see how they like that shit.
so i dunno. that's still up in the air.
and i digress.
back to MLK, it went alright. my camera's broken, so i didn't get any pictures, but the yearbook got plenty, & the paper ran some (none of any brown ppl. how fucking convenient. oh, and i heard that they served fried chicken & greens & shit for the 'mlk dinner' in the cafeteria that evening. fuckers. i don't even have the strength to fight that one). and they've put up a different picture on the front page of the campus web each day this past week. except for tuesday. and monday. which i guess doesn't really constitute a whole week. but whatever:
here we have Steve, Candi, & Malynta on stage for the late 80s/early 90s hip hop era. (that god awful 'x' sweatshirt was not my doing, i swear)
Smith as Bob Marley singin 'redemption song'.. he did a really good job.
and finally...
Tracy Holiday. i hate this picture.
just imagine the number of brochures & pamphlets & web pages these pictures are gonna be on.
'look! we love the king so much cause we love diversity like he did and COME TO TRANSY AND GIVE US YOUR MONEY!'
man, do u know what?
we've given this place a gift. it dont matter if it wasn't a fuckin broadway production or that nobody came out to see it for real. they got some good damn photo ops & they'll milk them for all they're worth. we won't get the credit we deserve. they thanked the gotdamned deans of the college in the program for fuck's sake. and why? what did they do?
shit.
that's what they did.
well technically they paid for stuff, but it was no where NEAR as much money as they wld have spent on some boring ass speaker had the administration been in charge of the program again this yr. they owe us man.
speakin of which...
me & candis went to walmart & king's beauty supply to get some last minute stuff the day of the show. b/t the two of us, we bought
-a scarf
-2 lip glosses
-a loaf of bread
-2 boxes of 'cookies &'
-2 bags of tortilla chips
-a jar of salsa
-a hair clip
-some other stuff im forgettin
all for personal use. charged that shit straight to the school. we been gettin goods throughout this whole thing, man, & i dont feel bad about any of it. britt got her coat cleaned. i got 50 recordable cd's and some computer disks. candis got to keep the white kangol & a wifebeater that we bought for the show (me & malynta got the other 2 beaters). i kept the afro wig & the jewelry. and not a bit of shame nor guilt to be found.
reparations, bitches.
and speakin of bitches,
wanna see the pretty one who stood us up?
i was gonna put up his picture, but u know what--just go & look at his whole conceited ass blkplanet page.
i promise this'll be the last time i bring it up or speak ill of him (til he does sumthin else stoopid). i really dont care no more. it's over.
keepin w/ this whole anger theme, i wanna talk a/b what's goin down at home. i meant to write about this like a week ago.
LPD done killed another one. they shot a 19 yr old black man three times. in the back. he was running away. they say he had a gun, but it was in his waistband when he was shot. never even took it out. sure, dude had some probs. lotsa run-ins w/ the law. but fuck that, he didn't deserve to be murdered as he was runnin away.
there's a lotta shady shit goin down w/ the investigation, like, for example, the officer who shot him refusing to talk to investigators. um... what the hell? how u gon kill somebody & just not talk about it? how u not own up to what u did & not cooperate? i mean, if u were in the right, which u & so many of ur colleagues claim u are, then what is there to worry about? when i find the article w/ the details & video clip, ill put them here.
my thing is this-
if u wanna stop somebody from runnin from u, shoot him in the legs. not the back. and if ur aim is bad enuff that u hit the back in aiming for the legs? yo ass dont need to have a gun. period.
the fucker has been suspended. with pay.
blk folk in Louisville want him fired & rightly so.
they gettin tired of the way we're being treated, told that blk life basiaclly has no value & that it's no big deal for an officer to murder someone b/c he's got a badge. that shit is not okay. there's been far too many murders by police in the past 4 yrs. desmond rudolph (who was in a stalled car behind a tree when he was murdered). james taylor (who was HANDCUFFED with his hands BEHIND HIS BACK when he was killed). so many others, man, i can't even name them all. 4 yrs. all blk. all male.
we've done the marching thing. we've protested and chanted & got a new chief of police (who is black, not/surprisingly). and it keeps happening. so what now?
we get angry now. that's what's happening at home. folk is startin to get violent & i'm gettin a little concerned as to what will happen. the day after the shooting there was a protest in front of police headquarters. most of the crowd was young, high school age. they were in a group throwin their fists in the air & yelling 'WE FED UP! WE FED UP!'
folk started turnin over city garbage cans & throwin the trash in the street.
windows were broken out of the headquarters.
police had folk on the ground, handcuffin them & draggin them away.
it's gettin crucial & sumthin has to be done. beyond that, i dunno what else to say. except that im fed up too.
(story & video of protest here. and look @ this dumb bastard. susan smith, anyone?)
i forgot to mention that there's a new blk male professor on campus. i forget his name but he teaches public speaking and is originally from texas and is really interesting b/c he's mixed, right, his mama's white but he hates white folk. or at least has a huge dislike for them. he said he tried to be white for the first 18 yrs of his life til he found out, as he said, that all the nigger jokes they were makin were about him. he's teaching here while gettin his ph.d @ UK, studying blk gay & female literature.
i told him he's in for a treat here @ transy.
his office is downstairs. ill go visit him soon.
TracimusLynnicus: britt's gettin married.
Wrekkid Playa:
Wrekkid Playa: say what?
TracimusLynnicus: that's what her mama told my mama
TracimusLynnicus: after she gets her master's she gon marry this dude
TracimusLynnicus: it just feels like she's in a rush to be grown, man
TracimusLynnicus: plus she said she's had some body & self esteem issues
TracimusLynnicus: part of me thinks she's a lil too happy to find someone who can appreciate her
TracimusLynnicus: i cain't tell her what to do, of course
TracimusLynnicus: plus she aint ask me shit
TracimusLynnicus: didn't even tell me shit
Wrekkid Playa: when they say "Is there anyone who objects" you have run up to the front and make an impassioned plea
TracimusLynnicus: lol
Wrekkid Playa: stating how dude slept with you the night before the wedding
TracimusLynnicus: lmao!
Wrekkid Playa: and THAT is why they cant get murried
Wrekkid Playa: it will be hard to do...yes
TracimusLynnicus: she wldn't even look twice @ me
Wrekkid Playa: but YOU have to save your friend
TracimusLynnicus: lol
TracimusLynnicus: she already gone.
TracimusLynnicus: WE DONT EVEN TALK ANYMOOOORE
TracimusLynnicus: AND WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT WE AR
TracimusLynnicus: GUE ABOOOUT
Wrekkid Playa: lol
Wrekkid Playa: when she realizes that she made a mistake (if this is indeed a mistake) she will get at you
TracimusLynnicus: if this aint a mistake ima be really jealous
TracimusLynnicus: & part of me thinks that it wont be.. they really seem to love each other
TracimusLynnicus: but so soon?
TracimusLynnicus: right into it?
TracimusLynnicus: i dont know if i can imagine bein 21 & deciding to spend the rest of my natural life w/ somebody
Wrekkid Playa: of course it's not a mistake.....
Wrekkid Playa: everyone else is destined to be happy
Wrekkid Playa: and in love
Wrekkid Playa: except for
Wrekkid Playa: me
Wrekkid Playa: and you
TracimusLynnicus: lol
TracimusLynnicus: aww
TracimusLynnicus: shut up. this aint about u.
Wrekkid Playa: lol
she's gettin married?
what?
man i dont even know what to say.
i don't even know where to start in talkin about it.
i personally think it's too soon. she's too young. and like i said up there, she seems to be in a huge incredible rush to be 'grown' here lately, and i really do think that she's maybe just a lil too excited a/b findin someone she finally connects w/ after all the issues she says she has. plus, spendin so much time w/ somebody so quickly after yall meet & deciding that that's it?
that's wild.
but hey. maybe it'll work. i kinda think it will.
sucks that our friendship has had to take the blow that it has tho. i mean sis found him & acted like she cldn't have him and friends at the same time.
all this makes me wonder what i'd do in her position, cause i am kinda sorta in her position. im in love. i want nothing more than to be w/ my baby right now.
but forever?
as sure as i am in the way i feel for & about him, i do recognize that this is my first time bein enthralled like this & that bein inexperienced, it's so hard to know what's right & what u need & what u want & all that. at this age & pt in my life, i honestly dont think i cld committ myself to forever. but then again that's not to say that forever is out of the picture, if that makes any sense. as cliche as it is, i really do believe that if u love sumbody & u have to let them go, u'll find each other again. fate, man. i believe in it.
i dunno. i guess i wish britt the best in spite of my jealousy <- big ups to me cause that shit aint easy to admit. ive never been as brave as she. i really wish i was right now cause i think im quickly approaching a crossroads & pickin the right way to go is gon be a bitch.
im scared of goin the wrong way.
but im scared of walkin whichever path i gotta pick alone.
blah.
& im editin in this other point i just came to notice in talkin to dave:
TracimusLynnicus: u know what's fucked up?
Aeonism: ?
TracimusLynnicus: evry big thing that happens in her life
TracimusLynnicus: movin in w/ dude
TracimusLynnicus: gettin ENGAGED to dude
TracimusLynnicus: i gotta hear about in a round about way
TracimusLynnicus: dont u tell ur friends stuff like this?
Aeonism: yeah i wasnt gonna tackle that
TracimusLynnicus: dont u share that sorta stuff w/ ppl u care about & value & blah blah?
TracimusLynnicus: damn
Aeonism: yeah
TracimusLynnicus: i understand u & ur mate posed to be bestfriends
TracimusLynnicus: but fuck, u caint have no other friends?
Aeonism: time changes, the rhyme changes
Aeonism: and best friens become strangers
Aeonism: (c)nas
TracimusLynnicus: reckon so.
