i can't remember the stuff i told myself not to forget
man it's so much that i been wantin to document & now i done forgot it all. so i'll just ramble for a bit. maybe i'll touch on whatever it was eventually.
let's see... it's monday.
tomorrow's tuesday. the weeks pass so fast.
teddy, ben & errk made a surprise visit this weekend, which was pleasant. candis & i had planned to go to an open mic/poetry slam that evening (saturday), & britt said she'd meet us out there, which she did. teddy'd been callin me for the past 2 days obsessed with where we was gonna be saturday evening & somethin in me said that he was gonna show up. still, i was surprised saturday when he showed up outta nowhere followin us down north upper street on the way to the reading.
i dared him to get up & do sumthin during the open mic. i wasn't surprised when he did so. it was so funny man... he wasn't sayin a gotdamn thang.. lol... he took the apollo route and started talkin bout god so he wldn't get boo'd. it was funny cause the crowd took him so serious & he was tryin not to laff the whole time.
crazy.
after he read, him & the boys went to teddy's sister's house. they met us back at candis' after we left the slam. cept brittany. her & richard went back home. at candis', we went & got some chicken from Indis', a lil ghetto ass whole in the wall where the food is subpar & they treat u like u slow (i love it there), went back to candis' & watched tv & visited. errk was asleep by 1:30. teddy was dozin by 2. that's when i decided i was gonna leave cause i was bored & missin my baby, so i left & called him & left him a message, drifted off & was awokeded 30 mins later by my cell. we stayed on the phone til 5:20. we hadn't done that in forever.
sunday i lounged. teddy nem came to say peace at about 3. that's really all i remember bout yesterday.
today the cafeteria manager gave me some chocolates for valentime's day. he wants it.
and today i bought this. i have such a crush on that man. and i love his words. he's comin here to read from the book on wednesday. im gonna pee myself.
i feel really longwinded tonite.
im so full of words. i really wanna right... i may try tonight if it's not too late.
yo lemme tell u bout tonite's blk feminist theory class.
im in a weird position.
we're talkin about blk popular culture, specifically music & media. kim split us up into 4 groups & gave us each an assignment. one group had to watch an hr of BET & analyze it. another had to study some songs. i dunno what the other did. my group was posed to do a feminist analysis of spike lee's 'she's gotta have it,' but freakin mr fizdale has it locked in his classroom. so we did 'bamboozled' instead. our presentation was superlong. i talked forever. we tried showing clips of the movie but we cldn't get the sound to work. all & all, it was botched, but at least i got my points made. the rest of the class tho-
the group that watched teh hr of BET also went today, and natrually, they were talkin about how misogynistic evrything was--all the nekkid girls, the patronizing rappers, the stereotypical lust for sex & money. the also ended up watching an hr of BET on sunday for some reason and were talkin about how surprised they were to find an empowering program shown on that station (it was an interpretive african dance detailing the conquest of africa by the palefaces). but watch my interlocking oppressions at work here-
i agreed w/ the things they were saying. popular rap & the corresponding videos are sickening. BET be on some straight ignorance. and true, the only time u find anything remotely worth watching is on sundays. genderically, i agreed w/ them, but i still felt pressed to defend myself and blk culture even so. cause i mean... this one cat, logan, has a little bit of a british accent, obviously comPLETELY ignorant to ANYthing black, always speaks with such fuckin disdain about blk folk & blkness as soon as he gets the hint that it's okay. when he was speaking today about the music videos he saw, he had this look on his face like he'd just swallowed a mouthful of vinegar & literally spat the words out on to the floor.
'i mean... it was just so astrounding that they can do that and act that way... and that the girls would even agree to it in the first place, i mean.. i really was just blown away at it all'
i felt like lookin at him and goin 'nigga, please.'
had that been a blk person, tho, i wldn't have cared. cause i agree. i can't beleive that we do that to our own ppl (though i realize & recognize that the blame is not solely ours). i felt like my blkness was being attacked, tho. i wanted to get mad. i *was* mad. but. it was very confusing.
like, when they was talkin bout the gospel stuff on BET, they said that they didn't expect to see anything positive at all. on the one hand, i was like 'well, don't let that fool u... just cause u find one good apple dont mean the rest aint spoiled.' but on the other hand im all defensive like 'wtf u mean? u dont think blk folk aint cultured? we dont know how to produce positive images? u dont think we can think outside of cristal bottles & bad weaves?'
it's very complicated man.
next class we finish the presentations. shld be quite interesting.
