yo yo.. yo yo.. yo yo yo.. yo yo.. yo yo yo (c) greg nice
it's thursday already.
there are only 4 weeks left in this semester, spring break not included.
11 weeks left til graduation, spring break included, may term break, & weekends included.
10 minus spring break.
this
is
wild.
this is the fastest ive ever seen time pass, and if i were anywhere else but here i'd be alarmed. but im tryna get my freedom papers & be out. forget this.
speak of gettin out, i need to get serious about makin some plans. i wanna move. badly. im gonna talk to dallas & see how she feels about packin up & goin w/ me, & if she dont wanna go, im peacin out solo.
either chicago
or philly
or baltimore/dc MAYBE after i see the area
or atlanta, push come to shove
or
or anything bigger & faster than here.
after spring break im gettin on the GRE/grad school route and potential job/internship path. if anybody has any leads they think i shld follow, some folk that might look to hire a militant, pro-blak, bitter brown writer with feminist tendencies, holler.
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bought some wine last weekend. i got a lil goofy for like 12 seconds then i just had a headache. im underwhelmed.
teddy paid me another surprise visit that friday & my mommy came to see me sunday.
u know what
im startin to feel bad in how im feelin towards teddy lately. it's not my fault tho. ive just never been the type of person to *need* communication as much as he does. i mean yeah, i need ppl. comunication is important, i recognize & understand that.
but if we aint dangerously in love on some beyonce shit
or at LEAST fuckin (which we ALL know is not happenin in my life on even a lil PIECE of a normal, regular basis)
then i dont have any reason to talk to u on the phone 3 & 4 times a day.
and yall... HE CALLS 3 & 4 TIMES A DAY when im answerin my phone regularly, which i dont cause i dont wanna have to feign interest & excitement 4 different times a day. this is what drove me completely away when he was tryna holla or whatever. smothering is an understatement. wanting to be there & do stuff EVERY DAY when i dont even know u like that and calling upwards of 3 times a day. i mean come on. and even in florida he's just a little too... i dunno.
maybe im puttin too much of it on him.
ive always been quiet & pretty personal w/ mines. ive never had anyone in my life worth calling evryday til recently, & that's something i just caint get used to.
at any rate,
while he was here i slipped up & pointed to the new cordless phone my sweetie sent me. teddy hadn't had my dorm room number b/c the phone i had prior to this one was a piece of trash & i hate talkin on it. as such, he only called after 8 when my cell phone was free. but now
'yay! now u can give me ur number & i can call u on the dorm phone!'
:o/
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beyond that we discussed him & candis. long story short, he's been fuckin with her head. let him tell it, candis has been tryin to fuck him for the past 4 yrs, & was only initially interested in him cause he was interested in me. whatever. i dont know nuthin buot all that... teddy stays in constant need of attention and he lies like a rug so i take that with a grain of salt. i do know that candis likes him in some capacity tho & it seems like she tries to hide that from me, like id give two shits either way. but here's where i got beef w/ the whole situation.
teddy's been fuckin w/ her head & her emotions & leading her on for quite some time.
according to him, she's always heavily flirtatious & he plays along with it. he sees nothing wrong with it because it's always her initiating it. i think he sincerely believes that too. yall he KNOWS candis likes him. if he has no interest in her, which he says he doesnt, there's no reason why he shld not let her know what's up & stop stringin her along.
he knows what he's been doin.
i swear i will never understand why some dudes act that way.
and yo do u know he had the nerve to ask me in conversation once if 'now i understand why dudes do girls like that?'
nigga what the fuck?
cause she's naieve & vulnerable cause she's been hurt by dudes in the past, that gives u a pass to treat her like shit now? u think u're teachin her a lesson by actin like all the other assholes in her life?
i tried really hard to articulate all that while we were talkin but i dont think i was too successful. i wanted to tell him in around about way that what he's doin to her aint all that different to what bitch ass jeff--the dude who's ass he wanted to kick when he found out about the ordeal--did to me in high school and he needs to quit. and i i dont wanna hear any more of the lil stories that i admit to humoring in the beginning. if i'da known he was gon draw it out like this, to this extent and for so long, i'da suggestion a cessation from jump.
even tho candis wlda thought i was jealous.
she & i were supposed to go visit him spring break, but after his visits here im already tired of the two of them, so im not goin. teddy was on some 'yeah, so i wanna thank u cause now that u're not goin candis is comin by herself' shit, like it was MY fault he was gon hafta deal w/ her & her advances one on one. i straight told him he brought that on himself & i dont feel sorry for him at all.
he said he called her that night & had a 'talk' with her & now she's not comin.
he wldn't tell me what they talked about & i dont really want to know.
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for the past 2 nites in a row, ive had dreams about being either in charge of or a part of some theatric production that failed miserably in front of a half-filled auditorium. if that's supposed to be some forebearer of the fate of any such projects ive ever dreamed of doin in the future, it's pretty scary.
hope it aint no omen.
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so spring break starts tomorrow at 10:15 am.
im gonna go home and do lots of reading and try to get this paper written which shld be really good if i freak it right.
wish me luck!
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hey, do me a favor.
if u read this on a somewhat regular basis, leave me a lil sumn in the comment box.
i may hafta look into makin this a private blawg *looks around suspiciously* & i gotta know who shld get VIP passes.
