i been up since 8:30. got up & went to the gym. i just got back & now i smell like death warmed over. twice. shower time in a minute.
im tired.
went to innanapolis this past weekend to help big brother pack up & get ready to move. i wont go into detail in an effort to keep this entry user friendly for our innanapolis viewing audience, but lemme just say that indianapolis is by far the most depressing place ive ever been to. ever. and this is after seein park hill AND bein stranded in the south side of chicago. what really strikes me is that there are flowers *everywhere* tho. even in the midst of all the gloom & doom. it's almost poetic.
actually it's very poetic.
maybe ill try & write about it one day if i can ever manage to get my literary uzi back. which i dont think will ever happen these days.
speakin of which, i got a funny story to tell. im talkin to gio a couple days ago about my writer's block and he's like 'yo, ima tell u what--check out this cat's music... his name is science fiction... he's originally from nigeria... i guarantee you'll get some good pieces outta his music. u heard of him?'
lol
i was like yeah, i know him. spoke to him the other day, come to think of it. he was like 'wow!!! really?? how!' lol. so i proceeded to tell him bout how i used to chump him for his milk money back in the day.
it was dope to see that folks is listenin to sci fly.
and it was dope to hear that that was sci's response when i told him the story. mark of a good person.
what else...
my speech went well. i read it for dean vetter & dean shannon and that strawberry blonde lady in the chapel, of all places. when i first started reading, the lady was lookin at me with her face all wrinkled up, like she had a real bad taste in her mouth, and i got scared cause i thought that meant she hated it already. and then she stopped me and i was like now i KNOW she hates it. but she just cldn't hear me b/c of the echo in the chapel.
we shld hear who gets it early this week sometime.
graduation is creepin closer and closer, and the closer it gets, the less excited i get cause i still dont have an answer to the 'what's next?' question that i get asked no less than 8 times a week.
i need money.
and human contact. im turnin into a recluse, man. im reverting back to the shell i thought i'd thrown away 4, 5 yrs ago. i sit in my room all the time by myself doin nuthin. i live for late night conversations w/ my baby and honestly that's the most contact i get during the day. seriously. i need to get outta this funk.
i need to get outta this place
but lately evrytime i try, i fuck it up sumthin else fucks it up. normally it's me.
first i fucked up gettin my baby here for graduation. not once, but twice.
then i completely forgot about my meeting w/ the career development office & the lady who was posed to help me w/ my resume and stuff. fucked that all up. now i gotta schedule another one during her busiest time of the year.
im getting really tired of alla this
but i refuse to sit down and get stuck here
so ima keep on the best way i can, which doesnt seem good enuff right now
