miss me? im sorry. i think ive secretly been avoiding updating because... well i dunno why. first it was cause i was just lazy and didnt wanna do it, then it was cause life wasnt perfect & i have it in the back of my mind that like the whole world expected me to move and just settle perfectly into my new digs ASAP, which i hadnt. that doesn't mean things have been *bad* though. just goin thru the normal motions--homesick sometimes, reluctant to be out roamin around by myself at others, etc etc.
but, i did figure i'd update cause it has been over a month since the move. the move went well, i think. 11 hrs in a cramped up ass minivan (!!!). now THAT was rough. but we got here okay. i didn't know that i was afraid and scared and nervous til we got to my new apartment and i decided to hate it.
'its too small!' 'there arent any drawers in the kitchen!!!' <- true story 'there aren't any towel racks in the bathroom!!!!! <- true story again 'I HATE IT HERE!!!'
as we got everything moved in, i came to unhate it though. it's cool now.. kinda messy at the moment, otherwise i'd take pictures. im excited about my lease bein up so i can get a bigger place tho :o)
either the second or third night i was here, i crawled up in my mama's arms (we shared my bed while she and her friend were here helpin me get settled) and i just boo-hooed. my whole face was wet, either with tears or snot or some undelicious mixture of both. and i am NOT a pretty crier.. im glad it was dark and neither of us had to look at me, lol. but i just told her i was scared that i'd let everybody down if i ended up not liking it there, or not doing well in school, or deciding to not even finish school, and she did the wonderful mama thing and made me feel better.
she misses me so much, though. so does my granny. ive been missing them a lot too lately. :o(
but! im goin home the day before thanksgivin and i'll be there (hopefully) for about a week--my schedule should allow it, cause im not workin and i only have classes on tuesday and thursday. 3 classes total. but they're 3 hrs each though. oy. i have two classes on tuesday and one on thursday. the tuesday classes are back to back, which means i go straight from 3 hrs of sitting and being lectured to straight into 3 more hrs of sitting and being lectured to. it is ROUGH. but the 3 free days a week are worth it. i have a mortal fear that next semester's schedule (if im still in school next semester) is gonna suck--classes at least 3 days a week, each one as early as possible. right now my classes start at 12 on both tuesday and thursday. luv-oh-lee.
i hadnt intended to type this much. i still dont really feel like updating here lol
um school and i are not on good terms right now. im not even gonna go into detail about it again b/c i rarely feel like anybody understands where im comin from. 'stay at it!' 'dont give up!' that's easy to say when you're not the one sinking into a slow depression b/c you dont like what you're studying. i try not to even talk about it to hardly anybody anymore cause it gets old and frustrating after awhile.
so, condensed version of what's goin on with school: i dont like poetry that much anymore, which makes me not like the poetry program, which makes me not like school, and i am halfway thinkin about not goin on with it and takin some writing courses elsewhere, but lately i am sorta thinkin about stayin with it so everything's up in the air and it's still early and we'll see what happens.
i dunno, i guess that's it, really. i get a month off for christmas, which is fabulous. i'll prolly spend all of it at home lol. i didnt really expect to miss home as much as i do, and truth be told i dont know if i miss bein at home or if i miss my family. i spend a lot of my time here alone, what with my nose always bein in a book and all. i havent done much hangin out w/ folks (sorry, yall!) but the courseload is absolutely ridiculous--im gonna turn off my comp soon as i wrap this up so i can go get started on this week's pile of homework so i can have a free weekend--and as much of my free time as possible is spent with yall-know-who so far. so i apologize.. as i get a little more settled and used to everything i'll be more a woman about town.
i do gotta get out more. im still a hermit, and that sucks sometimes.
i cld blab on forever, im sure, but i wont cause iont feel like it and because i have some of the world's worst poetry to read :o(
