ya mama got jell-o feet w/ fruit in the toes.

i want lauryn back.

i've been downloading a bunch of music for my brother's new christmas computer. i downloaded lauryn's album and man.. i feel like i struck oil down in my keyboard somewhere. this album is beyond awesome man. if u cld only see how hard i been singin this joint today.. LOUD. all up in the mirror, like i wrote these songs about me. some of them do feel like they're about me.

i been auditionin for 'dreamgirls' up in here today.
somebody needs to miseducate her again.

--------

so im at home.

i feel like im in rehab.

so much has been going on that i haven't written about, simply because i dont want to remind myself of it all.

ive been maintaining that everything is all good with me for a long time. mainly cause i dont want nobody fussin over me or makin a charity case of me.

and plus im tired of talkin about it.
talk talk talk.
blah blah blah.
im bout done with that shit.

home feels good though.
home is the long, hard, bearhug ive been wanting forever.

im hoping three weeks will be enough this time.
i hope everyone will hope along with me.

---------------

do u ever wonder who first said 'if u love something, let it go; if it comes back to you, its yours?'

isn't that partly the dumbest shit ever?

like. the first part of that phrase. 'if u love something, let it go.'
...why?
why let go of something you love? for no reason? i mean, there's no reason implied in that statement. just 'if you love it, let it go.' im sorry, but there's no logic there. somebody was just struggling to be deep and poetic. whoever that was: you lose.

but.
the second half.
the 'if it comes back to you, if yours' part.
ive long long claimed to believe in that, beyond belief, even. i do believe that whatever is meant to be in our lives will definitely be. so, if for some dumbass reason you end up just letting go of something you love, or if life decided that it's something you need to do, for whatever reason, and u get it back, i do believe that you're meant to have that thing u love in your life, and vice versa.

that's what ive always heralded as my mantra. (not the first part. the 'what is meant to be will be' part).

it's time i prove to myself that i believe it.

i think i can do it.

here's hopin i can do it.

and here's hoping i can sit and write a real entry again some day.

goodnite!








0 comments