today i got off the trolley and the sun judo-kicked me square in my cornea. i cldnt help but smile at it. i love the sunshine, man. it amazing how its absence can completely stifle your life, your happiness, how it can dictate what u do and don't do during the course of a day. when i get off the trolley and its already dark? dark sky means its night time, and night time means ur safe and seure in ur house near ur bed and definitely not out runnin the streets. daylight savings time was moved up this weekend though, so the days are longer; it literally feels like someone has tacked on a few years to my life. its creepy, how man can sort of pretend to control something as forceful, expansive, and wild as time. they put on a good illusion. right now it's working for me.
so its been awhile since ive updated. i dont know that there's much to report as far as going on, but im happy to report that my anxiety levels have been lower than they have been for a really really long time lately. i guess that's due to a few different things goin on, but largely, ive just been trying to keep my mind occupied, too occupied to dwell on shit that hurts to think about. and its working, though i admit ive sort of slacked on that lately. and this weekend i got drunk on some hugs and cuddlin and said too much, which is something ive said i was gonna stop doin. so that notwithstanding, ive been doing good--exercising when i can force myself to, and writing under the same circumstances, keeping my place clean. and i have a few mantras that i say to myself like a billion times a day (the main one: 'u cant control someone else's actions; only your response to those actions'), and i sort of got a type hurtful wake up call about 2 weeks ago that really was the push that i needed (i guess i needed it) to get the ball rollin on makin some changes that ive been scared to make.
if ur confused right now u prolly shld be
the moral of the story is that now, right now, im doin good & im doin what i can to make sure things stay that way. with the weather warming, im pretty sure i got a good shot at makin that happen.
that's provided that the germs knockin at my door dont overtake me :( i think i feel myself gettin sick, so ive been doin what i can to ward off the germs i actually almost had a semi-date last saturday (! lol its very anticlimactic, i promise) but i cancelled cause i wasnt feelin good. so here's hopin my health picks up, cause there's nobody here to take care of me if it dont :(
i miss my mama nem
stephanie mills looked kinda like a drag queen. but i digress.
i dont think i have anything else pertinent to say.
punk ass dre, i hope ur frankenstein head feels better :( and thanks again for the flowers! i am reminded of this because remember when i was gonna try to dry two of them? yeah, that didnt go so good. and i just recently found the flowers still in the oven :( lol but i just wanted to say thanks again
he was born with a parasite a fast growing hunger in his heart and his pockets & when he dreamed his eyes filled his whole face & his eyes with filled with stars none of them named after me
i have never known a sky as lonely as tonight
all i have to give him is the world and everything in it twice over
but where do u find fire brighter than sun? how do i compete with a galaxy?
